#MusicMonday: This Is My Fight Song

This weeks song that I chose was Rachel Platten and her song “Fight Song.”

If you haven’t heard of Rachel Platten, she broke out into the music scene last year with this song and it was an instant hit.  It seemed like everywhere I turned, or every radio station that I turned on was playing this song every hour on the hour.  She just recently released her first full length album “Wildfire” at the first of the year and is continuing with hit songs like “Stand By You.”

This song really speaks to me and about my life here in Los Angeles and being in the music industry.  Like I have said about a thousand times before, living here in LA and being in the music industry is not easy for anyone, let alone being disabled and pursuing a life in the music industry. It takes a very strong willed person to keep pursing and fighting every day.

My dad came to visit me a few weeks ago and he finally got a glimpse of what my life is like here in good ol’ Hollywood. I was excited to see him, and am very happy that I got to spend some time with him.  I know my dad loves me unconditionally and supports me in anything that I want to do with my life, but I sometimes feel like he doesn’t understand why I decided to move all the way to LA to pursue a job that probably has the most unstable job market out there.   Yes, it is not the most stable job environment, but it keeps me on the edge of my seat most days.  But want to know something?  I wouldn’t have it any other way. For example, a wise person once said that if there is something else that you are good at, and pursuing music isn’t your only option, go do that because the music industry is no cake walk.  I have never been one to settle down with a 9 to 5 job. To me that is way to boring.  I want excitement.  I want something new to happen every day.  This is why I am pursing a certificate at UCLA in their Music Business program.  This is why I go to tapings and concerts and network with people from all around.  I am learning every day, and yes, there are days where I have no idea what the hell I am doing, but it’s all a learning experience. This is why I always ask people to trust me.

I am a fighter and I don’t give up easily and when I set my mind to something I make sure it is accomplished, come hell or high water.  Because like the song says, “I still gotta fight left in me.”

 

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MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

I just wanted to write a quick little post and say Merry Christmas to everyone!  I hope your Christmas has been full of love, joy, and lots of food!  Today I had a Christmas breakfast with my mom and then this afternoon I am hanging out with my dad and his girlfriend and having dinner and opening presents.  It feels nice to be home and visiting family for a few weeks.

 

Visiting Home Does a Body and Soul Good

There is always something about visiting home that is so refreshing and helps put things into perspective for me every time I visit.

While I was home I spent a lot of time with my parents.  I did not really see a lot of friends while I was there unfortunately, but then again I was only there for 10 days and family always comes first.

It hovered around 99 to 100 degrees for a huge portion of my trip.  Anyone that has been to Oregon knows that it rains a lot there so to have it be extremely hot like that is unheard of. and completely disgusting in my opinion.

I have noticed the past couple of times that I have gone home, my dad and I end up getting closer and end up having some really great talks.  It makes me feel good knowing that I can go to my dad when I need advice or just somebody to be there.

Speaking of my dad, I got to meet his girlfriend while I was home.  I absolutely loved her!  She is so sweet, and she makes my dad happy, so I can’t complain about that!

I got to spend some quality time with my mom as well, but it didn’t feel like a lot just because she had to work.  BUT I did get to spend 4th of July with her and some family friends.

I didn’t get to see any fireworks because we all ended up taking care of our dogs because they were scared of the fireworks and barking at them.

My mom recently started a new job within the past couple of months, so while I was home she took me to see the place and meet the people she works with.  It was great to see her in her element. My mom is a very out-going friendly person who will make friends with anyone and I could tell that this job just shows those traits of her very well.

I also got to see my sister as well.  She lives about two and a half hours away from my parents so it was really good to see her, even it was only for a night.  Believe it or not, my sister and I used  fight all the time growing up, but now I would have to say that she is one of my best friends who I can go to for anything if needed.

I will admit that I did work while I was home.  I got bored after a while needed something to do.  It also didn’t help that my dad also had to work and since he works from home, it made it that much easier for me to want to work as well.  Plus, I’m a Capricorn, and we can sometimes be known as workaholics so it  just comes naturally I guess.

So to sum up my trip I would say that it was refreshing.  I was able to come back to craziness more refreshed and ready to attack work and everything else that LA has to offer, which makes me thankful to be home.

Honey, I’m Home!

It feels so nice to be home for the next 10 days visiting family and friends, but holy shit is it hot!  Just in the two days I have been home it has been almost 100 degrees.  I miss Oregon’s cold winters right about now.  I have found myself to be inside most of the time because it has been way too hot to do anything else.

I was super excited to see my dogs Mollie (a yellow lab) and Chloe (a chiweenie), when I arrived into town yesterday.  Mollie looked confused for a minute when I walked through the door and once she figured out who I was, she started jumping and barking.  Chloe ran laps around the whole house for about five minutes.  Those two are part of my family and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

As much as I love being at home and visiting my family, I will admit that I miss LA and miss going into work everyday.  I am really enjoying it and I am learning a lot everyday.  Plus, I get to be around dogs all day so I’m not complaining.

Still not too sure what I am doing for the 4th yet.  All I know is I want to go watch fireworks somewhere!

As much as I love being at home and visiting my family, I will admit that I miss LA and miss going into work everyday.  I am really enjoying it and I am learning a lot everyday.  Plus, I get to be around dogs all day so I’m not complaining.

I guess I should get off here and actually socialize with my family now.  I hope you all have a fun and safe 4th of July!

That One Time That I Was Told I Should Have Been Aborted

It is no secret that having a child with a disability can be difficult and hard to deal with at times. I can only imagine what my parents thought process was when the doctors told them that there was a huge possibility that I may have cerebral palsy. I am sure they were scared shitless, nervous, and probably had no idea what the hell they were getting themselves into. With that being said though, they loved me and knew that they would do anything to help me live the most normal life possible.

There have been times though that people have not understood why my parents made the choice they did and not choose abortion or adoption. I remember a specific time where my mom ended up having a conversation with someone who we know about this. Now, before I continue on with my story, I just want to say that my intention is not to attack Pro Life or Pro Choice. If you believe one of those choices that is totally fine and I respect that. I also would like to add that I do not hold ill will against this person and believe that since this conversation has passed, they have changed and grown up since then.

From what I remember of the conversation it started by this person talking about how a friend was going to have tests done to make sure that their baby was healthy. They then proceeded to say that they would not be able to handle having a child with a disability and would then abort the baby if they had found out that the baby was not “normal”. My mom told them that she believed that every baby is a gift from God, no matter if there are differences or not.

This person then made it seem like my mom should have either had me aborted or given me up for adoption. To be completely honest, this pissed both my mom and I off really bad. It was also very hurtful. They made it seem like my mom and dad made a horrible choice by keeping me and attacked them on their parenting. And it made me feel like I was worthless and I did not deserve to be alive or be with my parents.

They also asked me if I was glad to be alive and be where I was even though I deal with my disability on a daily basis. My first thought was to be a complete bitch and come back with a smart ass remark, but I decided against that and took a deep breath (even though I was fuming on the inside), and told them that I may have struggles and that it may be hard some days, but I am glad to be alive and be with the family that I have. This question also really confused me and made no sense because I do not know a life without my cerebral palsy so how can I answer a question that I do not have the answer to?

I love the life I live and the life I have. Like I have said in the past, my parents have raised me to be independent and taught me how to live as much of a normal life as possible. If it was not for them, I would not be pursuing my dreams in Los Angeles and in the music industry. Because of what they taught me, nothing is off-limits.   And because of that, I can strive to make a difference to change people’s mindsets that it would be too hard to raise a child with a disability.

#DearMe

Dear Me,

Oh boy, where do I begin? Right now you are just a teenage girl with so many dreams and aspirations, even dreams and aspirations that you know nothing about yet. I am sure that you are scared shitless of what the future holds and for what it looks like, but guess what I am here to tell you that that is okay. You will survive.

First thing to remember, life gets so much better after school. Like Brad Paisley says in his song Letter to Me, “They say that high school is the best years of your life…well I’m proof that they are wrong.” This is so true. Yes, you will have great times in high school, but you will have an even better time after school. Sure you may take a little bit longer to finish, but you will get there and it will be beyond glorious and exciting when you do.

You may struggle with wanting to be “normal” because of your CP, and I won’t lie to you, it will be a struggle for years to come, but you will get to the point where you become more open-minded in quite a few different ways with your disability. You will learn that you are just fine the way you are with your disability, even if people will want to “cure” you and make you believe that there is something wrong with you. You will also start an awesome blog telling people of your story and your struggles and highlights of your journey. You will also meet some pretty awesome people, as well as some not so awesome people throughout the years dealing with your cerebral palsy.

Speaking of finding your voice, you will become more honest with time. Probably so much so, that people will want you to shut the hell up and wish you weren’t right all the time. Trust me, you will hear this many times from your family and friends. This will eventually be coined “Honest Abe” and it will be hilarious.

When it comes to your family, you are probably dealing with a lot when it comes to them at this point. I get that it was stressful, and you cried a lot when it came to things with them. Your parents end up getting divorced, and that will probably be the hardest and darkest time in your life, but don’t worry too much, things will start to look up in a few years and your relationship with both your parents individually will be better because of it.

Speaking of better relationships, you and Kimmy will have a stronger bond over the years. Maybe it was the divorce that made you guys’ get stronger, or just the fact that you two grew up and matured and stopped fighting like five-year olds. The important thing is your sister will become one of your best friends and someone who you know you can go to with anything no matter how small or stupid it is.

As for relationships with guys…don’t worry so much about needing a boyfriend during school, you have too much going on during that time to even focus on that. Sure, you will have big crushes on guys, but those will fade over time, some quicker than others, but you will find the right guy for you in the future. Spoiler Alert: You’re still looking and he’s still hiding, but he can’t hide forever right?

When it comes to friendships with your friends in school, most of them will still be your friends for a very long time, others not so much. There will be friends that you had been friends with for years that you just have to cut ties with and be done with the friendship to better yourself, but there will also be friends that you may lose contact with and get reconnected and have a stronger friendship after the fact. Cherish every single friendship though, because every single one gives you a lesson to learn.

You will eventually move to Los Angeles and this will be a great learning lesson for you that you need to grow up. Through this, you will gain a stronger relationship with God, and learn not just a lot about yourself, but how the world can be. It will be hard, and you will get knocked down quite a few times, but you will stand back up and be stronger after the fact. You will also start to believe in your gut a lot more. Trust me, it is Hollywood after all. This is also around the time that you realize that you want to work in the Music Industry, and through that you are able to work with a record label. Through this you will meet your best friend and start a friendship that you will cherish for a long time, even to this day.

As for other inspirations, you will have a special place in your heart for a little known band called The Jonas Brothers and they will help you get through a lot of personal stuff, even if they don’t know about it yet. But just a warning, they will break up and go their separate ways, but don’t worry too much, they ARE still brothers and they won’t disappear altogether. Also, while you may think Zac Efron is a beautiful person as Troy Bolton in High School Musical, trust me, he gets better with age.

Most importantly, know that you are loved, funny, confident, strong, beautiful, as well as very stubborn, but that will help you not back down with what you want to do in life. If anything that shows how much you refuse to give up. So keep shining your light. You will change lives, trust me.