I have been trying to find the words to write this post for a long time now. This topic is something that is very emotional for me to talk about, and something that was put on my heart more over the past few months.
I am related to an alcoholic. And to be honest, I have found this to be more difficult to deal with as time has gone by.
I have noticed over the past few months that things have gotten worse for them. It has really opened my eyes to how serious this is, and quite honestly, how big of a problem it is for a lot of people in the world.
Because of this I started thinking back to when I was younger and back to a time when I did not really understand what was going on, and I can even see where things were wrong back then. The broken promises. The selfishness. The making sure you don’t plan something after a certain time because you know that by the time 5:00 (sometimes earlier) rolls around it is time to get ready to deal with the drunkenness.
I am worn out and tired of dealing with it. Am I worried about them? Yes, of course! Do I want them to get help? Absolutely! But one thing I have learned (and still learning everyday) is that I cannot fix them and change the situation, they have to be the one to do that for themselves. It seriously sucks sitting back and watching them kill themselves with the alcohol on a nightly basis, but that is all I CAN do right now besides pray for them.
Speaking of praying, I have also learned that instead of praying that God cures them or heals them from this disease, I need to pray that God does anything and everything to make them hit rock bottom. I do not know what rock bottom is, but God does.
I am thankful that I live so far away and that I do not have to see this on a daily basis anymore. If I was I would still be consumed by it and it would be harder to live my own life. But the good thing is, I AM living my own life. I live in a great city, I have great friends, and I have a great job that I love going to everyday, so because of those things I am able to not be consumed by it. Do I still have my rough moments? Yes, of course. I am human after all.
So to this family member that struggles and deals with this disease on a daily basis, please know that I love you and that I will always fight for you and with you, but I am also backing away so that way you can hopefully realize that you are strong enough to fight this by yourself.