An Open Letter to the Alcoholic That I Love

I have been trying to find the words to write this post for a long time now.  This topic is something that is very emotional for me to talk about, and something that was put on my heart more over the past few months.

I am related to an alcoholic.  And to be honest, I have found this to be more difficult to deal with as time has gone by.

I have noticed over the past few months that things have gotten worse for them.  It has really opened my eyes to how serious this is, and quite honestly, how big of a problem it is for a lot of people in the world.

Because of this I started thinking back to when I was younger and back to a time when I did not really understand what was going on, and I can even see where things were wrong back then.  The broken promises. The selfishness.  The making sure you don’t plan something after a certain time because you know that by the time 5:00 (sometimes earlier) rolls around it is time to get ready to deal with the drunkenness.

I am worn out and tired of dealing with it.  Am I worried about them?  Yes, of course!  Do I want them to get help?  Absolutely!  But one thing I have learned (and still learning everyday) is that I cannot fix them and change the situation, they have to be the one to do that for themselves.  It seriously sucks sitting back and watching them kill themselves with the alcohol on a nightly basis, but that is all I CAN do right now besides pray for them.

Speaking of praying, I have also learned that instead of praying that God cures them or heals them from this disease, I need to pray that God does anything and everything to make them hit rock bottom.  I do not know what rock bottom is, but God does.

I am thankful that I live so far away and that I do not have to see this on a daily basis anymore.  If I was I would still be consumed by it and it would be harder to live my own life.  But the good thing is, I AM living my own life.  I live in a great city, I have great friends, and I have a great job that I love going to everyday, so because of those things I am able to not be consumed by it.  Do I still have my rough moments?  Yes, of course.  I am human after all.

So to this family member that struggles and deals with this disease on a daily basis, please know that I love you and that I will always fight for you and with you, but I am also backing away so that way you can hopefully realize that you are strong enough to fight this by yourself.

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35 thoughts on “An Open Letter to the Alcoholic That I Love

  1. Katry, this is a tough thing to write about, I know, as I also have one or two members of my close family that are alcoholics… But fear of who might read the post stops me from openly acknowledging it.
    We are there for them, but ultimately, they need to be ready to help themselves before changes can occur.
    Luck and love to you and yours! 😊

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Thank you for sharing Katy, one of the hardest things to learn in life is to observe other people fighting their own fights and our feeling of impotence to give them a hand. But after doing what we can do and realising there is nothing else we can do, the best thing is being there for them at the distance. One day, they will understand it and appreciate your effort.(And it is sometimes the hardest of all) Your prayers and your love will be their strength, Thanks once more for sharing, I´ll pray for you both too.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I wrote a poem, 18 years ago, for the 2nd anniversary of sobriety for a friend/relative, which was read at that time. This year, she celebrated her 20th anniversary. Another friend, whom I have known since 1969, pointed out to me, Friday, that it is relevant also to adult survivors, and so I have put it on my blog: http://wp.me/p5BCD4-9Q — I thought perhaps you might like to read it also.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. Tough stuff, Katy. When my best friend’s boyfriend hit rock bottom, (on meth), he was on the verge of suicide and was found by the police (San Diego area). They took him to a psych center and he soon went into rehab. Still a tough road for him but it was a year ago, and he is on the mend, working and enjoying life a little more. My thoughts and prayers for you and your family member!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. It’s never easy to write about things that pain you especially when it is about people whom you love. As you’ve rightly said, the person needs to decide. And I’m sure all of you are ready and waiting to support them.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. The best part i loved is you are hurt, you want to change things but you are not forcing it on him/her. You have realized that they have to take a stand themselves and you are letting them even though it hurts you. A bold stand. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Writing this has taken a lot of strength. It is their journey they need to travel. You have your own. This is part of your journey. Big hug 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I know exactly where you are coming from – my father is an alcoholic. Lots of broken promises and knowing that unfortunately the family comes a very distant second priority to the drink. Unfortunately lying often comes along with it. All you can do it keep yourself safe and know that nothing you can do will change them, they have to want it for themselves. A heart attack, stroke and now diabetes and still he drinks…

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Alcoholism is a terrible illness.. And causes do much hurt – often for the sober people! I’ve got an uncle who had been an alkie for about 30+ years.. He estranged from some family because he was causing trouble! So many liberties were taken simply because he’s family! I’m glad I haven’t met him.. He’d be yet another embarrassment to my current embarrassment list!

    Liked by 1 person

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