That One Time That I Was Told I Should Have Been Aborted

It is no secret that having a child with a disability can be difficult and hard to deal with at times. I can only imagine what my parents thought process was when the doctors told them that there was a huge possibility that I may have cerebral palsy. I am sure they were scared shitless, nervous, and probably had no idea what the hell they were getting themselves into. With that being said though, they loved me and knew that they would do anything to help me live the most normal life possible.

There have been times though that people have not understood why my parents made the choice they did and not choose abortion or adoption. I remember a specific time where my mom ended up having a conversation with someone who we know about this. Now, before I continue on with my story, I just want to say that my intention is not to attack Pro Life or Pro Choice. If you believe one of those choices that is totally fine and I respect that. I also would like to add that I do not hold ill will against this person and believe that since this conversation has passed, they have changed and grown up since then.

From what I remember of the conversation it started by this person talking about how a friend was going to have tests done to make sure that their baby was healthy. They then proceeded to say that they would not be able to handle having a child with a disability and would then abort the baby if they had found out that the baby was not “normal”. My mom told them that she believed that every baby is a gift from God, no matter if there are differences or not.

This person then made it seem like my mom should have either had me aborted or given me up for adoption. To be completely honest, this pissed both my mom and I off really bad. It was also very hurtful. They made it seem like my mom and dad made a horrible choice by keeping me and attacked them on their parenting. And it made me feel like I was worthless and I did not deserve to be alive or be with my parents.

They also asked me if I was glad to be alive and be where I was even though I deal with my disability on a daily basis. My first thought was to be a complete bitch and come back with a smart ass remark, but I decided against that and took a deep breath (even though I was fuming on the inside), and told them that I may have struggles and that it may be hard some days, but I am glad to be alive and be with the family that I have. This question also really confused me and made no sense because I do not know a life without my cerebral palsy so how can I answer a question that I do not have the answer to?

I love the life I live and the life I have. Like I have said in the past, my parents have raised me to be independent and taught me how to live as much of a normal life as possible. If it was not for them, I would not be pursuing my dreams in Los Angeles and in the music industry. Because of what they taught me, nothing is off-limits.   And because of that, I can strive to make a difference to change people’s mindsets that it would be too hard to raise a child with a disability.

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111 thoughts on “That One Time That I Was Told I Should Have Been Aborted

  1. Completely inappropriate conversation to have with anyone. Sorry you had to hear it.

    My brother & SIL decided to go with minimal tests/scans with their 3rd child – they figured it made no difference, they would love and accept no matter what.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Found your blog, through your comment on my friend Terri’s latest “Perspective” post. I read this post, and felt compelled to comment and say thank you.

    Words can hurt so badly, and am very sorry to read of this “conversation”. Your response is SO admirable.

    Thank you for sharing this post. It was powerfully written. My hope and prayer is that EVERYONE would be treated with the dignity and respect they deserve.

    ~Carl~

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your words are beautifully inspiring. My youngest daughter had so many things that were identified to be wrong with her and yet we believed that every child is a gift from God! And like you she is a true blessing , and is starting her second year of college, She plays musical instruments and speaks Chinese, some Japanese, and some Korean. In elementary school she had many learning problems. I always say God makes no mistakes…faith in him always will go a long way when one has to make choices. Hugs and blessings my sister!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Wow! The nerve of some people! It just renders me speechless that they could even ask such questions! I can totally sympathise with you. Growing up, and even now on occasion, I’ve had similar questions asked. I was born 13 weeks premature which lead to all kinds of problems but the two major ones were that I had to have my leg amputated below the knee (my parents were given the choice of letting me die(!) or amputating my leg. Thankfully they chose the latter) and became blind in one eye due to too much oxygen. Over the years people have asked me all kinds of ridiculous questions. The jist of my answer was usually: it’s all I’ve ever known, I don’t know any different. You make the most of the life you have and just get on with it and enjoy it!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Always choose life ❤ I too was put through all kind of testing in my 3rd pregnancy because I had lost my 2nd son to a neuro/tube birth defect, Spina Bifida/Anencephaly. They wanted me to be able to have a choice. I told them the choice had already been made <3…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. the insensitivity and hurtfulness of people never ceases to amaze me but so does the kindness, love and compassion of people. I believe there are more of the latter variety, thank God. much love to you and your family.. we can only feel sorry for those of limited compasson and love for it is they who suffer the true disability, not you 🙂 Michelle

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Some people are just ignorant and turn a blind eye to individuals with disabilities because they don’t have to deal with it themselves. Fear of the unknown and all that. It’s sad & pathetic really and I feel sorry for them. They have no love in there lives & it shows. Their hearts are basically cold without them even knowing it.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Thanks for sharing this! I’m also disabled and tomorrow I’m doing a blog speaking to parents that have just found out their baby will have spina bifida. This helped me to formulate my thoughts. Thanks again! (And thanks for the add 😉 )

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Kudos to you for being so freaking amazing in this situation. I could feel your positive energy reading this, i’m sorry this happened to you but it seems like you found the silver lining. So keep on living and good luck in Los Angeles!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Good for you. By that person’s logic, we would have lost important people like Stephen Hawking, or you. Please thank your parents for me. They’ve raised a wonderful human being and the world can always use more of those.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Isn’t it odd some people define or view disability? I think closed mindedness, lack of empathy, and lack of compassion are HUGE disabilities. I wonder if parents ever consider aborting children who lack character?

    Keep up the good work. You help others see are incredibly able you are, and the value of YOU.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I am stunned by the complete and absolute ignorance that someone would ask you if you were glad to be alive, despite having to deal with a disability on a daily basis. The way I see it, they are way more handicapped than you’ll ever be.

    In fact, having had a spiritual awakening about 4 years ago now, I have come to know that only the very strongest and bravest souls choose to come into life in a physical body with physical, mental, or emotional challenges. You might not care a whip about things like this, but if you have any fascination, I recently found a book that elaborates on this, called Your Soul’s Plan, by Robert Schwartz. On Rob’s website, he has an excerpt of the book for people to read.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Your blog post really touched me. I was born with spina bifida 54 years ago this week, and my parents were told then, that they would have an “angel” soon, and the best thing they could do is to let me die. They didn’t. Yes we’ve had our share of struggles — surgeries, braces, getting me enrolled in school, fighting the battles of the education system, healtcare system, etc. By your photo, I’m guessing that you’re either a teenager or in your early 20s. I would really like to get to know you and share our stories of growing up and living with a disability. If you like you can visit my blog at http://www.bethcasey1961.com. Have a great day! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Hi, I live with cerebral palsy myself. I can walk without crutches at times when its not so bad. you would think I don’t have it but when its really bad, I have to use them. But my mom was always making sure she exercised my legs as a child before I had appointments and i also had some other type (don’t remember) and speech. But i know the feeling. except the abortion. all i know i was born a month late and she had a difficult pregnancy.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Beautiful. Beautifully said from a beautiful soul. I was told time and time again to have an abortion when I conceived after a violent rape. I was told my son had evil genes, I was doing the world a disservice, etc. He is nothing but innocent, limitless potential as you were and are. I’m glad you’re here, making a difference, and I admire the strength of your mother, knowing that your life mattered. God bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. We are all valuable, no matter our differences. Good for you on your response, I don’t think I could have been as calm in that situation as you were. Important issue to raise, thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. How’d I miss this one! I’m right with your mum on this one, every child is a gift from God, and no matter what the problems or disabilities, every human has a right to experience life….

    Liked by 1 person

  18. My aunt is autistic and she is full of light and love. Cannot imagine life if grandma decided not to have her. I am sorry you encountered such ignorance. People with disabilities could teach the supposed “normal” people a thing or two. Bravo to you for being the bigger person!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I love this post. I was told by a doctor that my should be aborted because there was no movement at all in her sonogram. She is 23 and about to graduate college. You have brought light into my day. I am so happy I came upon your blog. You Rock young lady. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I love that you make this bigger than so-called pro choice or pro life. I support legal abortion and legalizing many drugs. Doesn’t mean I would have an abortion or take heroin, or that anyone else should. Legal constructs are separate from life. What a foolish, insensitive, and no-doubt defensive woman that was. How sad that she couldn’t imagine joy, love, happiness outside whatever her narrow definition of normal is. What a glorious tribute to your parents, who don’t let fear guide their lives, and to you, who have clearly inherited their deep understanding of what life is all about. Cheers and best wishes.

    Liked by 1 person

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