To Be Healed, Or Not Be Healed….That Is The Question

Throughout the years I have had to deal with many struggles when it came to my disability. Whether it be learning how to walk and gaining my balance without my walker, or just something as trivial as taking a shower, or tying my shoes. But I think one of the biggest struggles that I had to deal with (and still deal with to this day) was being healed or cured from my cerebral palsy.

Growing up, that never came up in conversation. I was who I was and that was okay. But as I grew older and started to find my place in the world and check out different churches, I kept hearing, “Have you prayed and asked God to heal you?” I would always be honest and answer no because I was under the impression that I was fine, that I didn’t need to be healed. But the questions continued. So much so that I started to believe that there was something wrong with me if I was not praying for this.

When I moved to Los Angeles for the first time and was a missionary for about a year, I dealt with this on daily basis. I honestly felt like I had a target on my back. It was like “Oh, look, there’s that girl with her walker, we should go try to heal her so she doesn’t have to use that anymore.” Most of the time it came from visiting churches and not the people who I was around 24/7, so this made it super difficult. I honestly felt like I was being bullied and being told, “You’re not worth it unless you’re healed.”

Now don’t get me wrong, I did not and still don’t have an issue for people praying for me in their own time, but if you want to pray with me I just ask that you get to know me first as a person and get to know my heart before you ask that question. Please do not just assume.

I actually had an incident about a month ago where a guy was eyeing my walker and trying to make eye contact with me during a church function and he started to talk to me. I had never seen this guy in my entire life, so he knew nothing about me. He asked me why I used my walker, and not even ten seconds later, he asked if he could pray healing over me. I told thank you but no. This is just a prime example of someone not really caring about me as a person but wanting to “play God”, so to speak.

One thing people would get to know about me if they really took the time to listen is that there was one time that I ended up not having to have surgery on my foot when I was supposed to. I had surgery about a year before this incident and it did not heal correctly as it should have, so my foot started to hurt really bad again. I went back to my doctor and they said that they were going to have to graft some of my hipbone into my toe to help the healing process. To say that I was not happy about this would have been the understatement of the year.

Fast-forward about six months later, I felt like my foot was feeling a lot better. I was able to walk on it for longer periods of time, and it wasn’t swelling anymore. I really felt like I did not have to have the surgery. So my mom and I headed up to Shriner’s on my surgery day and all I remember talking about on the two-hour ride up there was that I was not going to have to have surgery. We finally make it up there and me being the person that I am didn’t even say hi to the person checking me in, I automatically said, “My foot feels better can we please take an x-ray so that way I don’t have surgery if I don’t need to.”

I don’t remember much after that other than the fact that the doctor took FOREVER to come in after the x-ray, but when he did it was only to bring good news. He said that the toe had indeed healed and it looked like there was some tissue or cartilage that had formed over it so I did not need to have surgery. I was so excited! All I remember after that was saying thank you a thousand and one times and then surprising my dad by being home later that night.

So I am not saying that I don’t believe that God cannot do miracles, the story that I just told you is one of them, but I am not going to live my life searching to be healed. I am going to live my life and I believe God has a plan for me with my cerebral palsy. I believe that this blog is one of them and I am beyond grateful for it.

For the people who are disabled and do not like it and wish to be cured from it, which is fine, but please, do not make that your idol. Do not obsess over the fact that you need to be healed to feel whole. You don’t. Find what you love about yourself in the here and now and work with that. I guarantee that you will find out a lot about yourself when you do that. Trust me that is what happened to me, and hell, I’m still learning to this day!

Also, to the people who would rather focus on curing someone from their disability rather than getting to know that person, maybe you should slow your roll, take a step back and live in the here and now and see what good this person is doing, and honestly just get to know this person before you make the assumption that they need to be healed. Because believe me, it is a huge turn off and makes the whole “Christian church” look horrible when someone is pushy and narrow-minded like that.

Would I change any of those situations that I mentioned above? No, I wouldn’t because through those situations I became the person I am today, and I will be forever grateful for them. I can confidently say now that I love who I am and would not change it for the world.

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20 thoughts on “To Be Healed, Or Not Be Healed….That Is The Question

  1. I love this post, it is so well written! I whole heartedly believe that everything happens for a reason and everything that happens makes us stronger than before, sadly I haven’t always been proud of who I am but that was more because of other peoples attitudes towards me but I am now finally happy in my own skin and proud of the person I am! x

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Great post, Kay! I saw this on Wednesday when you first posted it, but have been much too busy this week to post a thoughtfully written comment. I think this post really shows what an amazing outlook you have towards life. People can be naive and ignorant, which can be incredibly frustrating, and I love how you haven’t let that stop you for persevering.

    I think this post really resonates with me because in many ways, your wisdom and advice can be applicable in many different situations. I love this line in particular: “Do not obsess over the fact that you need to be healed to feel whole. You don’t.” Although you are speaking particularly to people with disabilities, I think many people, not just disabled people, could benefit from hearing this. I know I can apply this to my own life.

    I completely agree about your last statement. I have experienced darkness and unhappiness in my past, but I wouldn’t change those times for the world. As hard as they were to get through, they have shaped who I am today and I am sooo proud of who I am today. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Britta! That honestly means so much! While yes I want to be an inspiration and reach out to people with disabilities, I also want to reach out to the able bodied as well and if I am able to help them as well, I know that I must be doing something right. I am glad that you were able to resonate with that. Dark times can be a bitch to get through on many levels but they are also super important. I’ll be honest and say that these last few months have been pretty damn hard but like you said these shape who we are today so I have to remind myself that many times a day sometimes. It will all be okay in the end. Thanks for reading 😊

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  3. I can relate to this in so many ways, through a different situation and different condition but so much of what you say reflects exactly how I feel or have felt before. I hate it when people have to play god too, I mean I guess they mean well but it is still frustrating because if it wasn’t for the walker, or wheelchair or cane or whatever it is you have they wouldn’t look twice! Thanks for stopping by my blog earlier today too, and thanks for your comment. Have a wonderful weekend!
    Hayley-Eszti

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Agreed! Nothing upsets me more than someone who sees the outside and doesn’t focus on the inside. I’m not defined by my disability or my walker. I’m defined by the type of person I pride myself in being which is a loving, caring, and honest daughter, sister, niece, granddaughter, and friend.
      Not a problem at all! I love your blog! Thanks for stopping by mine as well 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I never saw it from this perspective before. I’m not one to go up to people to ask if they want prayer, but I have seen people do it before. I believe those actions do come from good intentions, but after reading your story, I think the better action would be to get to know someone first. Unless a person voluntarily steps forward for prayer. Thanks for sharing this!

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  5. I love to have discovered your blog. Great topic today! I am a student of Energy Healing, and I find it very egotistical of someone to do what’s been done to you with regards to basically pushing healing on you. Even though what I do has every bit to do with God, it has next to nothing to do with church or religion. I have learned from first hand experience that our soul plans challenges for us in order to have experiences during our life. Whether or not we can significantly change the peramaters that we set up, may or may not be changeable. We may choose to have a mental illness, an invisible disability, or a visible disability, for example. And it might be your soul’s highest desire to experience a lifetime as such. If so, it would be more than presumptuous of someone, and disrespectful of your soul’s desire, to try to change that. However, that’s not to say healing can’t happen; it depends on you (at all levels).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! And I completely agree with you! Like I said in the blog post, it’s not that I don’t believe in the healing, I just know that if I am meant to be healed, it is going to be a special moment with God and I, not “God”, me and 25 people laying their hands all over me.

      Liked by 1 person

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